Steph:Hehy
Steph:Sorry I didn't respond until just now... I've been speaking with my friend's parents..
crystalwhisker:Cool I guess.
Steph:Yeah.. my friend commited suicide yesterday and I've been talking with her parents...
Steph:I hurt so many people last night...
crystalwhisker:wow. good thing i didnt. two people in one night's bad.
Steph:I hurt so many people that night...
Steph:I'm hurting so bad right now...
Steph:I hurt you.. I hurt my friend...
Steph:I'm a fucking idiot..
crystalwhisker:how old of a friend was this?
Steph:I've known her since...
Steph:8th grade?
crystalwhisker:wow.
Steph:maybe a little bit before... all I remember was her picking me up off the ground when I got a brick to my head.
crystalwhisker:ouch.
Steph:I'm a fucking idiot...
crystalwhisker:Who's the one you slept with? not her I hope.
Steph:.. Her.
crystalwhisker:Why'd she kill herself, then?
Steph:She called me the morning after asking if we could be more than friends... and I said "No" and she was like "Then what happened last night?" and I said "I honestly don't know. If I recall you were high, too."
Steph:So...
Steph:I broke her heart when times were tough...
Steph:and I'm a fucking idiot and I"ll never forgive myself..
Steph:I'm a fucking idiot...
crystalwhisker:Why did you tell her no?
Steph:Because I told her that it's better off that we remain friends...
Steph:Why did i have sex with her? I don't fucking know...
crystalwhisker:So... She killed herself after you told her no? I think that there might have been more to it than that.
Steph:But that's all i know..
Steph:I've never expected this from her, ever...
Steph:She never gave me any signs...
Steph:She never threatened...
Steph:I've always listened to her and she was always the one smacking sense into me...
crystalwhisker:Usually the people who never threaten are the ones who are going to really do it.
Steph:Yeah..
crystalwhisker:How'd she do it?
Steph:OD.
crystalwhisker:On...?
Steph:Not sure yet, not till toxicology comes back in a couple of weeks..
Steph:They found a lot of pills in her system..
Steph:and she's jaundiced...
Steph:So they think it's Tylenol.
crystalwhisker:That sounds about right.
crystalwhisker:Alcohol?
Meebo Message:Could not IM buddy
Steph:I'm so sick of suicide. I'm fucking sick of it.
Steph:But it happens..
crystalwhisker:It sucks, but if she didn't give any signs and she actually did it, then maybe she deserves to be in a better place.
crystalwhisker:I hope for her sake that there isn't a heaven or hell.
crystalwhisker:...Or that god is more lenient towards suicide than we're led to believe.
Steph:I believe in reincarnation than anything else.
Steph:and those who commit suicide are souls that want to start over or... They've really given up.
crystalwhisker:From the sounds of things, it would appear that she'd given up.
crystalwhisker:It probably wasn't your fault.
crystalwhisker:Even if you were the last straw, people don't kill themselves over one rejection. So don't beat yourself up.
Steph:It's just really hard to not beat myself up right now...
crystalwhisker:I can understand that.
Steph:I'm so sorry for that night... I'm so god damned sorry...
crystalwhisker:It's fine.
Meebo Message:Could not IM buddy
Steph:I'm so motherfucking sorry and it hurts so bad that I can't take it back...
crystalwhisker:I'll get over. I'm really good at turning off emotion.
Steph:You shouldn't, though... You should embrace them..
crystalwhisker:If I did that, I'd overflow.
Steph:Yet I have some sort of Taoist view on life so, I'm crazy.
crystalwhisker:Not crazy. Steph.
crystalwhisker:Get used to it I guess. It's who you are.